Think I am having on of those moments when u realise that your not being honest even though you are admitting things.
I wrote last night about self harming and how I was doing it again. I went to bed feeling liberated and like I'd got something off of my chest.... But I didn't really. I blogged it, but I haven't dealt with it have i?
As I sat there today in my Psychology appointment, I talked about things that were upsetting / distressing / stressing me.. But I didn't actually say "So, Ive been self harming again".
My Partner texted me today and asked their normal morning text of how did I sleep and how am i... But i didn't reply "So, Ive been self harming again"
Here I am blogging about it, hiding under a fake name and admitting things to a website that Im not even sure if anyone is reading... and I call it an admission.
Nope, its just a way of making myself feel better without actually having to deal with or face up to the stuff going on in the world.
But then, maybe this blog is being useful, because its making me realise that I actually don't know what is going on in my head and I cant really talk to other (more real) people about it if i don't know what it is... can i?
So, Im self harming, but I don't have a fricking clue why?... aint gonna go down very well is it?
Oh i dunno... it just feels like I need the SH at the moment.
Ok.... this has been a rubbish post. I'm sorry - I promise to spend some time thinking about things and will come back either later tonight or tomorrow night with a blog that is more useful to you lot (whoever you are) and me.
......Thinks.........
Not a rubbish post at all. It is sometimes the only way - and a good way, to get something off your chest and reflect on what you have written. If you only write when you are feeling good it does not bring any relief or release. Stay strong and keep well.
ReplyDeletekalahari79