Not totally sure why. But I have started to self harm.
I think it started from Thursday. When the girlfriend completely dismissed me, I felt really really low and really worthless and I really wanted to self harm.
Randomly, twitter was able to pull me out of it, but I think twitter was only a temporary fix.
All day Friday all I could think about was the want and the need to self harm. I thought it was just because I was angry and just needed to get things off of my chest. Which is why I posted my post on Friday night.
But it still hasn't helped. I still do feel a lot useless lately, I do feel very sad and very worthless and I just cant pull myself out of it.
Today was the weirdest thing ever though.
I got home from the parents, feeling all positive because I had stood up for myself. Slightly confused by the outcome of the "fact finding mission" but felt ok. sat around for a bit and had dinner. Stood up went to my bedroom and cut again.
It just came from no where.. and I have never ever cut so early in the day before. it is normally an evening last thing of the day type of compulsion.
I just do not know what is going on. Apart from I want to keep doing it and it is sort of consuming my mind.
All I want is to do it again
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