Post Interview Relections

Well, This is probably a wierd thing to do for your first ever blog... But hey, might as well start as I mean to go on.

Basically yesterday I had a job interview and in essence the interview went ok, but it also went terribly.

I was perfect (I am not normally big headed), I said all the things I’d wanted to say and put myself across really well. But I will not get the job. I wont get the job because I am not the kind of person they are looking for.

I am not being down on myself. I just, despite having a lot of experience in the industry, I do not hold a current role within that part and in their eye I do not have a proven track record. Even though I have 5 years proven, just not in my current role.

So, I wont get the job, I don’t think. But I don’t even now think I want the job.

It has totally made me rethink everything and has changed my perspective and everything I have been working towards for the last 3 years.

Ok, so I love my job at the moment but I don’t love the money and I don’t love the location. But there is no major rush in having to find a job. But I do really really want to move, but I am now in two minds as to what direction I thought I wanted to move in.

Sitting in the interview room yesterday discussing the role, I realised that this would be a massive change for me and would be massively pressured. Reflecting on this I am scared. I have done jobs like this before, but have always done them well at the expense of my health.

However, I have now been through an Inpatient stay and am almost nothing up my 3^rd year in recovery, so I am a lot further along since I last did something like this… But it just all feels like a massive risk.

This could all just be pointless, because I don’t think I will get a call back for the job, so its not really worth thinking about… but I am not sure if I was given the chance I would want the job anyways, but I would not be able to turn it down either.

I was thinking before too, am I just doing abit of self preservation. Tell myself I don’t want the job, so when I don’t actually get it, I am not devastated… But then if I do get offered if, I will still accept it.

Or, am I actually just of the mind – I don’t want the job.

Oh who knows… The job is in the location I want, it is the money I want and it is the type of job I want… but I don’t want that job! Weird, I know… Maybe I do want the job and it is abit of self preservation going on.

Ok, so I want the job…. Im just scared… Will I be any good at it? Maybe I don’t have enough experience… Maybe he is right…. Will it be too pressured for me? Will I fall into old habbits of overworking and under eating? Will it just drive me to destruction?

It shouldn’t do, because I have been working for three years for the day when I start this new, and slightly holy grailed, job (whenever it may be)…

So I should be able to cope – when I say cope I mean to be able to be open about how things are and to actually admit difficulties to myself and my friends etc so they can help me through it…. Not actually cope…. But to use healthy coping mechanisms.

So, I want the job, I will cope… Im still scared.

Change!! That’s all it is…. Leaving the comfort of a job where I have top performed for two years… I know everyone and I know the ins and outs of everything… into a new job where I know no one, into a new town where I know few ppl and into something completely different than I have been in before.

Damn… it the change that is scaring me… I shouldn’t be scared of this change, I always knew it was coming… it is a change I have planned for…. But, it all seems real now, It never really seamed like it was going to happen… but now it is, it is scary.

Maybe that’s normal?

Is it?