Feeling Very Sorry for myself

Full of a cold, my nose is creating more snot than I ever thought possible and I seem to have no voice... Oh the joys of an anorexic with no immune system left to speak of.

Anyways, so I am at home and am feeling very guilt and sorry for myself for having the day off work. Part of me feels guilty because I probably could have gone in and I would have got through it ok. I just in a way couldn't be arsed to go in.

Work has been really difficult lately and my motivation for it has really taken a nose dive, so the thought of dragging myself out of bed this morning to struggle through the day with a snotty nose and limited vocal ability just wasn't very appealing.

Feel a bit guilty and a little paranoid that everyone will think that I have "pulled a sicky". I was away all weekend and they also know that I am a Birmingham City fan and I jus think that they will all think I was just hungover.

The other annoying thing about it is that I have nothing in the cupboards at all. I was meant to be going to Tesco (Other supermarkets are available, but not where I live) after work to get my weekly shop, but now I am somewhat limited on what I can do for fear of someone seeing me and dobbing me in as a skyver!

So, here I am, stuck in the house unable to do or speak to anyone and am starting to feel really crappy... as in mentally, I felt physically crappy already.

The tempatation is there to just not eat at all - it is sort of playing out that way - because there really is a limited amount of feed and nothing that could make a meal.

I have tried though, when I woke up to call in sick this morning I logged online to see if I could book an online delivery. But this was not possible until like 9pm tonight, which just seemed pointless as by then I wouldnt be able to eat til tomorrow.

Oh, I dunno. I just am feeling a little crappy and guilty really.

I also have the other dilema about my psych appointment. I go everyweek to see her and now that I am off sick, I feel like I should be confined to the house and should not be well enough to leave.. But then my appointment is an official appointment and I do sort of need it.

I think I should go, but then its the whole thing about - What if people see me? what if I get caught?

Urgh. I feel like I am trapped in my house.. I think that is the problem here. I hate thinking that I cant go out anywhere and can't do anything.

Have just texted the t'other half to see what they say about going to appt... I know they will say to still go, but then I feel that I have a reason to then.

Oh. I dunno, I mean I could technically just nip up to tesco and get bread, milk and some fruit at least then I have some stples for breakfast and lunch tomorrow.. But i would still feel guilty!

Ok, this is going to sound a lot worse than what it is, but I'm scared to leave the house... Not because of the scaryiness of the world and the unsafeness. But because of the potential that I will be seen and will get in trouble.

Im a freak! I know.... I am sure that if someone did see me, I could just say I was getting bread and milk because i'd been away all weekend and didnt have anything in.... but i'd feel bad.

I feel bad.

Urgh - I shouldnt have called in sick.